各位帮我看看这篇英语作文有没有什么要修改的啊~

题目

各位帮我看看这篇英语作文有没有什么要修改的啊~
包括语法词汇丰富度句式等等 The most considerable factor that I want to attend in Queen’s is its environment: the environment of professors, students, fantastic facilities and culture. If I could successfully attend in, I will surely make good use of this precious situation. Firstly, I will be dynamic to participate in any activities that I am interested in. Despite the fact that there are some of them I am not really good at, but I will give my effort. Thus, I will be able to establish my friend circle and improve myself. Secondly, studying in Queen’s is definitely a chance which I must cherish. Never will I give up fighting for my family and Queen’s. To be a surgeon is my dream all the way through. I can obtain a sense of value when patients recover owing to me. Moreover, I am going to find a part-time job for my school fee. It could be washing dishes or playing drums in pubs. Anyway, it is necessary to reduce the economic pressure of my family.
还有一段打不下了，大家先看这段

答案

您用的很多词汇是不兼容的,不要故意为了追求复杂单词而改变句子本身的意思The reasons why I want to go to Queen’s university are its competitive environment,experienced professors,friendly students,advanc...