帮忙改一篇英语作文吧~

题目

帮忙改一篇英语作文吧~
Topic:greed is the root of all the evil
It has been said that greed is the root of all the evil.I quite agree with this opinion.A man or a woman once becomes greedy.He or she will lose all the precious characteristics.
Fist of all,greed makes people unhappy.They just think about the things that they do not have.They turn a blind eye to the value of the things they have.A sense of satisfactory will certainly not come to their minds.They become depressed and their lives are dull.
In addition.people who are greedy are always selfish.They cannot see others’ problems and needs.What they care are only their own benefits.In this way.They may do something that may hurt others.They may even do something against the law.Stealing,robbery,murder and such crimes take place everywhere just because of people’s greed.
No one can get everything he or she want.No one succeed without hardworking.People find their lives’ value by giving up.Wise people do not care for what they cannot have.
Greed makes devils.While a man or a woman without greed is an angel.
大家提些意见或是帮忙改改错误吧,.

答案

语法错修正如下：
Topic:greed is the root of all the evil
It has been said that greed is the root of all the evil.I quite agree with this opinion.A man or a woman once becomes greedy.He or she will lose all （泛指the去掉）precious characteristics.
Fist of all,greed makes people unhappy.People(they不好,不明确是说greed还是people) just think about the things that they do not have.They turn a blind eye on(固定搭配) the value of the things they have.A sense of satisfactory will certainly not come to their minds.They become depressed and their lives are dull.
In addition.people who are greedy are always selfish.They cannot see others’ problems and needs.What they care are only their own benefits.In this way.They might（一句中两个may重复） do something that may hurt others.They may even do something against the law.Theft（名词 偷窃）,robbery,murder and such crimes take place everywhere just because of people’s greed.
No one can get everything he or she wants(单数第三人称加s).No one succeeds（同上） without hardworking.People find their lives（不要'） value by giving up.Wise people do not care for what they cannot have.
Greed makes devils.While a man or a woman without greed is an angel.
整体不错,用词很顺畅,但是好像内容有点散,题目是***是一切邪恶之源,而文中写道邪恶的不多,写的倒是***的诸多不好,需改进.