英语作文求批改（考研）

题目

英语作文求批改（考研）
About diligence
There is a growing national consciousness of the importance of diligence.As is vividly shown in picture,there is college student studying in the classroom,doing homework diligently.The implication is not only informative but instructive as well.This picture illustrates the true meaning of diligence by stressing the fact that hardwork is mental strength,which can support us no matter how difficult the problem we confront becomes.
Our human history has been filled with a variety of example of diligence with the following one being the foremost.Training diligently in the swimming pool day after day,Phelps with his teammates won the Olympic Games again and again.According to one recent survey conducted by a certain national organization 98.5% of people in all walks of life are devoted themselves to their career.Without hardwork,we wouldn't have a happy life.
Considering every aspect of this positive phenomenon,we should bear in mind that diligence is of directly significance to both our society and ourselves.Therefore all walks of life such as students,doctors,teachers and workers,should work passionately.In addition,the government has the responsibility to educate every citizen to be industrious.In conclusion,we have every reason to be convinced that we can achieve more achievements through working diligently.
自己写的一个关于勤奋的作文,求帮忙看看有没语法错误,以及改进的地方

答案

there is a college student（加a） we confront( 去掉 becomes) variety of examples（加s）phelps(拼写错误） their careers(加s）说实在,你这篇写得不怎么样,相当于国外高一高二的水平.注意细节.我没细看,可能还有错.