谁能帮我看下雅思作文!谢谢

题目

谁能帮我看下雅思作文!谢谢
大神们,这篇大概能得几分?
题目：The time and money spent on the protection of wild animals should be spent on improving human lives instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
我的文章：
Nowadays, as government and the publichighlight the wild animals conservation, people are closer to a moreeco-friendly society.However, some people are unwilling to allocate money andtime to animal protection, they think human lives are in more emergency need ofthose resources. To me , I am going against it.

Wild animals, our friendly neighbours, whoare sharing the whole planet with us, have practicely lost all the habitatsthey used to live in. Even some of them are in danger of distinction. So as a neighbor,we are to blame if we do nothing to preserve them. In addition, these animalsare part of nature, plant together with animal constitute a balancedeco-system. If we allow the animals to be destroyed by illegal trade(such asivory trade) and hunting(e.g. people hunting for ani

答案

这篇文章大概值4-5分
最大的问题在于你的语法错误非常多,很多短语和失态用得都不大恰当.其次很多chinglish的说法,在英语中是从来不那么用的.最后你的论点比较单一,应该要更多方面的思考这个问题
继续加油吧