跪求高手帮我的雅思作文点评打分,重点是打分

题目

跪求高手帮我的雅思作文点评打分,重点是打分
这是我第一次写作文,囧.
题目是老题：In some countries young people are engouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.Discuss the advantage and disadvantages for young people to do this.
作文：
Whether young people should work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies is an issue that arouses controversy.I will compare and contrast two typical opinions regarding this issue.
There are reasons for some people to believe that young adults should get work or travel before starting university studies.To begin with,young adults could acquire knowledge or skills through traveling or working,which enrich their social or proffessional experience.Surely,in terms of working,they accumulate more work experience at an early age and greatly deal with interpesonal skills,relatively peers of accepting university studies after finishing high school.Moreover,travelling or working should

答案

6分左右.写作分数打不高.完全看考官.语法是有点问题,但是整体比较有条有序
但是题目要清楚：雅思的写作有2类,一个是A&D,一个是Discuss,所以你不用说一些人不同意啊,而且那个时态也错了.而且就只要others就够了不用some others