雅思这样的小作文能拿几分啊

题目

雅思这样的小作文能拿几分啊
These 2 charts tell me that how many Japanese traveled abroad between 1985 and 1995 and percentage coming to Australia.
There was a gentle increase in the number of Japanese traveling abroad from about 4.5 million in 1985 to about 14.5 million in 1995.There was a slight decrease from about 10.5 million in 1990 to about 10.4 million in 1991.On the whole,the number of travelling abroad was going up.
The second chart shows the percentage coming to Australia.Obviously,the percentage in 1994 is more than 3 times as the percentage in 1985.There was a fast decline from about 48% in 1988 to about 42% in 1989.Furtermore,the second reduction happened in 1993.To sum up,the percentage coming to Australia is a growing trend.
These charts make me believe that decreasing Japanese prefer to go to Australia to enjoy their vaction in recent years.
这样的作文有4分吗?、、

答案

5
给你点建议：）
tell me这些第一人称我觉得不太正式,关键是阐述数据和趋势,可以show,indicate,illustrate,show,demonstrate这些词
还有你有没有发现自己很喜欢用系表结构啊,大都是there be,xxx is,多变换些句型把,说increase slightly也行哈.加点状语前置,还有活用动词.