雅思强人请进,帮忙看看我的雅思大作文大概有几分,并给点意见,

题目

雅思强人请进,帮忙看看我的雅思大作文大概有几分,并给点意见,
Q：many people believe that the main aim for university education is to help graduates to find better jobs,while some people believe that university education has wider benefits for individuals and society .Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In recent years,going to universities to get better education has become a very popular choice among students.However,when it comes to talk about the main aim for university education,opinions are various.While many people are behind this stance that the university education can help graduates to find better jobs,the rest of people hold the view that university education has wider benefits for individuals and society.But I found it hard for me to agree both of them fully.As far as I am concerned,these two ideas are reconcilable.
First of all,the main job of university it to cultivate talents who can make great contribution to the society.After studying very hard for 12 years,high school graduates hav

答案

So the most significant thing in university is to develop the students’ confidence and capability, which can help them to adapt the society much easier 这条观点是为了证明什么?
是证明the main aim for university education is to help graduates to find better jobs还是 university education has wider benefits for individuals and society
我觉得这一观点貌似是在你自己的见地.后面的例子虽然很好的证明了你的观点,但是我感觉你有点跑题,不知道是不是因为把别的题目的观点生搬到这篇造成的呢?
但是整篇文章句子还是不错的,就是最后一段Last but not the least, 这句貌似颇有4,6级的遗风!
我水平有限,尽力而为,哈哈,楼主加油.我9月13日考试,今天刚好也写了篇
Discuss both views and give your opinion.这种的文章
btw:跑题的话,貌似最多不超过5分