谁能帮我改改雅思的作文,

题目

谁能帮我改改雅思的作文,
雅思的作文,议论文.
Writing task:
When a country develops its technology,the traditional skill and ways of life die out.It is pointless to try and keep them alive.
I believe It’s true idea “When a country develops its technology,the traditional skill and ways of life die out.It is pointless to try and keep them alive.”Because that’s the step of history,nobody can stop it.
The human society always step forward,the new technology appears so fast,they just replace the old one for improve our life to form the new ways of life.Actually human being invent new technology for themselves,cause the old technology is not good as new one.So there’s no point to keep traditional skill.Except they really especial or other purpose for keep it.For example,museum like keep thousands or hundreds years ago stuff for human to know the history,provide people more idea about developing of a stuff and technology.All just encourage people to invent new technology to service people.

答案

这篇文章我肯定有写过差不多的.
I believe It’s a truth“When a country develops its technology,the traditional skill and ways of life die out.It is pointless to try and keep them alive.”Because that’s one of steps during the whole history,no one can stop it.
The human society always go forward,once the new technology appeared they just replaced the old one.Becuase,the new technology will improve our life and create new ways of life.Actually human beings invent new technology for themselves and always try to improve them,so this cause the old technologies are not good as new ones.This is the reason why there’s no point to keep traditional skill except they really especial or we have other purpose and had to keep it.For example,some museums are build thousands or hundreds years ago and they will still be proteced from generation to generation.From museums humans will know the histories and tradiaton cultures.They will provide people more ideas about how to developing their own country in the future.What they all do aim to encourage people to invent new technology to service people.
Lick each coins have two sides,I know some people really think we should keep some traditional skill and ways of life.(这句看不懂!） My idea is they are good at old technology or used to old ways of life,They don’t have ability or too lazy to learn new technology and they just want keep the old one.So they said we should keep them for some reasons.But the real reason is what I said,and this is the human nature we all know it very well.
你的文章感觉很奇怪.我都不知道怎么帮你改.我稍微帮你一些语句修改了一些.没有修改总体的结构或者你的意思.
不过这篇文章比较讨巧的是写两面论.
你的文章只能打到5分.可能更低些.
你写了两面论,可是没有突出两面论.然后呢你的语句比较混乱.有些我都不知道你要说些什么.一下子否定,一下又拣起来再说一下.让人看得不是一气合成.
而且最后没有结论.这点会让人感觉你的文章没有写完!这个可能会让老外5分都不给你.没有写完的文章他们分数都给很低!
有问题欢迎丢纸头!:)