求个懂雅思的老师帮我看看我的大作文 改改我的语法等等 最好给个分数哈 谢谢

题目

求个懂雅思的老师帮我看看我的大作文 改改我的语法等等 最好给个分数哈 谢谢
A much debate issue these days is which one take charge to teach children as a good member of society, parents or school? In this essay,i will argue that both of them have to take responsibilities to teach children. Some people claim that teaching children is the most basic responsibilities to parents. In China,parents should discipline well their children by law before 18 years old. If their children violates law before 188 years old, they will be punished by government. In addition, parents know more about their own children,and they will find a learning method that perfect to them. For example,parents and children live together for a long time,so they are very understanding their children’s personalities , learning style,etc. They can make a suitable schedule for their children according to their own characteristics,which will promote the learning process effectively. On the other hand, the other people find that school is more appropria

答案

A much debate (是 debatable) issue these days is which one (要加 should) take ( 要用 takes) charge to teach children as a good member of society, parents or school? In this essay,i (will 改为 would) a...