高手来帮我看一下这篇托福作文能得几分?

题目

高手来帮我看一下这篇托福作文能得几分?
Though a considerable number of people holding the idea that in order to acquire more knowledge from lessons ,students should spend more than 11 months in class each year ,in my opinion ,such long time studying will do harm to students’ physical and mental health .Now ,I will give several reasons as follows.
Initially,one issue which makes me support this is that lengthen the students’ studying time does not mean a higher efficiency.Nowadays,students already have suffered from heavy work and the countless exams also bring them enormous pressure .If they must spent most time of a year in class ,physically ,it will make students feel exhausted;mentally ,it would develop dislike for study.This phenomenon will bring bad effect for the students’ further development.
Besides,vacation offer students an great opportunity to connect the classroom learning to the real world outside.If they spent 11 month studying in school ,students would have little time to do so

答案

层次还算清楚,只是模板的痕迹太重了,第三段和第二段有点比重失调.
这篇作文应该能得到fair吧,如果想得到good的话,有一些累赘的东西还需要仔细推敲一下~