谁能给我的雅思小作文评一下分阿..急.

题目

谁能给我的雅思小作文评一下分阿..急.
来自剑桥雅思5 Task 1 的小作文..无法附图..见谅...
The graph indicates and predicts the change in the proportion of older people in the three countries (Japan,Sweden,and U.S.A) through 1940 to 2040.
Originally,USA had the largest proportion of people who aged 65 and over,which stood at 9%,overweigh Sweden of 7% and Japan of 5%.In the following 40 years,western countries nearly got a similar trend of increase,which dramatically from 10% to 15%,and 7% to 14% respectively.However,Japan experiences a stable decline to 3% for much of the time,before rising to 5% again at the present time.
Although some fluctuation occurred in the expected percentage,there will a general level-up in the three countries in the next two decades,but a dramatic rise will bring Japan to nearly 27% where outnumber the other two countries (USA of 23%,Sweden of 25%).(142 words)
可以简单的评一下语法,最好能给一个建议的分数,好让偶可以树立一个标尺,天天进步.....

答案

具体还行,但是让人看这还是像短文,哈哈,多写好词把..