★☆帮忙看一下我这篇作文,有没有错误,有错误的帮忙修改一下（语法错误要分析） ☆★

题目

★☆帮忙看一下我这篇作文,有没有错误,有错误的帮忙修改一下（语法错误要分析） ☆★
My Idol
My Idol is a scientist.His name is Yuan Longping.His date of birth is 1930,9.His birthplace is beijing.He is of medium build and he is of medium height.His hobbys are playing the wiolin and playing sports.He is wery good at swimming and playing volleyball.His why famous is "Father of Hybrid Rice".In 2001,he has China's State Supreme Science and Technology.In 2004,he has World Food Prize.I think he is a very great scientist.

答案

北京的B要大写
He is of medium build and he is of medium height比较绕口,可改为He is of medium build and medium height.
hobbys改为hobbies
His hobbys are playing the violin and playing sports.He is very good at swimming and playing volleyball.过于绕口,(且有语法错误,可改为He likes piaying the violin and doing sports .He is good at swimming and playing volleyball .
仅供参考