帮我看看这篇英文的语病

题目

帮我看看这篇英文的语病
As I said before,my English is not so great,but now that I've promised to write to you and you don't mind my awkward language,I decided to send you my first English letter.
I think it would be better to present a brief self introduction first.I live in Shanghai,and it is here that I was brought up.Although it is a beautiful place,I found it quite hard to adapt to the severe competition.You see,it's a big city which leads the country in its economy,so it's very reasonable for you to imagine the difficulty of finding a decent job,especially for someone who is as untalented as me.Of course,I am not saying it is only here that people find difficult to get a job.
It seems I am talking something I don't like to talk,now let us leave all those practical problems behind and talk something we do like.
自己看还要你干吗啊
看看原版的文章?哪来的原版,这是我写的啊,大哥.

答案

A few comments"
1.I live in Shanghai,which is also where I was brought up.
2.Intense competition.
3."You see,it's a big city which leads the country in its economy,so it's very reasonable for you to imagine the difficulty of finding a decent job"
This is confusing -- good economy,but less job opportunities?Maybe you can modify it as:
Yes,it's a big city which leads the country in its economy and has plenty of opportunities for everyone.However,people come to Shanghai from all over the country,making it hard to find a decent job.
4.",especially for someone who is as untalented as me."
Delete this sentence.No need to feel humble.
5.Your English is pretty good.However,it does sounds stiff here and there.Nonetheless,this is not a big problem and you'll improve very quickly as you try to write more.