雅思作文求批改~（希望专业一点哦~）

题目

雅思作文求批改~（希望专业一点哦~）
Some people think that computers and the Internet are important resources for students,while others think that students should learn from their teachers.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Computers and the Internet transform the society,bringing the information age.As they are applied to study aspect more frequently,some people believe computers and internet is the necessary tool for students,while others claim that the teacher plays a more important role in students’ learning.
People hold the view that computers and the Internet are significant for students think that those who cannot utilize computer technology have an obvious shortage,because they will miss lots of up-to-date information and loss the resources.In other words,those students tend to out of date.Without internet,it is harder for student to collect data for their learning,and the efficiency of study would decrease.Making full use of internet can not only allow the convenie

答案

the overall structure is good. you have scored reasonably good on task response.
the contents are relevant. Some good link words are used.
7 band vocabulary has been used.
The biggest problem with your essay has to do with your grammatical accuracy. If you could improve that you could get a desirable band.