请高人帮我批雅思作文Task1~

题目

请高人帮我批雅思作文Task1~
The bar chart indicates the travel distance by 5 different means of transport,namely by bicycle,motorbike,air,bus and rail,in the UK in 1900 and 2000.
As can be seen from the graph,bus and rail are the most popular among travellers.Additionally,the total passenger kilometers through various means of transport in 2000 were nearly 15 billion kilometers more than that in 1900.
First of all,the distance traveller by British people using aeroplane,bus and rail has increased at different levels.The passenger kilometers rose by just fewer than 10,000,000 km,from 40 billon in 1900 to 49 billion in 2000.The distance traveller by air and bus went up by 5 billon kilometers each.What is worth mentioning is that the air travelling distance almost doubled in the past 100 years.
However,the passenger kilometers of bicycle and moterbike shows the contrasted trend.The distances travelled by people who rode bicycles and motorbikes were slightly shorter in 2000 than that

答案

总体不错,词汇比较丰富,第三段用了increase,rise,go upfirst of all连接不当10,000,000 可以直接写10million啊中间的还可以,不过觉得可以组织的更好些觉得最后一段结尾不好,雅思小作文只是描述句子,你写thanks to.就...