雅思作文批改,这样的小作文能得几分?我第一次写

题目

雅思作文批改,这样的小作文能得几分?我第一次写
剑5,test1 writing task 1
The line graph shows that how many people who are at their 65 in Japan,Sweden and USA from 1940 to 2040.It is clear that in three countries,the size of the elder aged 65 will reach his peak in 2040.
According to the table,the proportion of people who are 65 year-old has a slightly decrease in USA since 1940 to 1960,while other two countries both have a gentle increase.The number of the old has no change in America between 1960 and 1980,on the contrary,in Japan an in Sweden,there happened a slowly rise in each country.The American elder are countinually become more and more since 21 century and they will be the most in 2040 among 3 countries.
However,the proportion of the population aged 65 in Sweden finally surpass that of Japan from approximately 1998 until now and will be continued to 2040 by fluctuating in his own pattern.The size of the population in Japan leveled off and is smaller than that of Sweden,but it will stil

答案

The line graph shows that how many people (前边改成The line graph shows the numbers of people) who are at their (their去掉) 65 in Japan,Sweden and USA from 1940 to 2040.It is clear that in three count...