托福独立作文,这篇能的多少分?

题目

托福独立作文,这篇能的多少分?
Mass media,as an indispensable part of people’s life especially in modern world,has been exerting unmatchable impact on both individual’s life and all aspects of the society,in terms of the issue that children/students spent too much time on watching TV,it should be recognized that all negative outcomes are not exactly caused by TV itself.As far as I’m concerned,the merits students acquire from TV outweigh demerits.
First of all,watching TV will not necessarily distract a student from study.In other words,students cannot concentrate on their study mainly because of the lack of self-discipline,instead of spending time on watching TV.Therefore,with a balance between the time spent one study and the one on relaxation,students’ school performance will not be affected.For example,according recent research,only the students who spare the majority of their free time encountered a score drop in exams.
Besides,watching TV,to some extent,promotes one’s academic perfor

答案

咳咳.感觉25~26分左右,我觉得你的遣词造句有点flowery,有时候简明扼要的语言反而更好,而且结尾比较仓促,是不是来不及了0 0
4分左右,你有不错的英语功底,但是感觉有些生硬,建议多看看英语杂志,学习一下里面流畅的表达方式