请大家帮我给这篇雅思作文打个分!提些意见也可以!

题目

请大家帮我给这篇雅思作文打个分!提些意见也可以!
As an important industry,advertising undoubtedly has the continually growing glamour which gives a hand for stimulating society’s development.Some people think that the reason why advertising can bring such an amazing sales volume is that it maintains the great power rather than people’s real need.From my point from my view,I can partly agree with this point.
Admittedly,people usually get what they need by comparing different brands of the same kind of product through advertising on TV or other media.Moreover,most of the ordinary families which are under the average living-standard and the majority of the middle-class families often make carefully expenditure plan according to their income,so they will be focus their expense mainly on the real need.
As it is,to begin with,in the modern society,the exceptional desire for products of some people surpasses their basic needs.A case in point,an increasing number of nowadays young people make themselves k

答案

If I were to summarise the above essay in one word,it would be:weird.If I were to summarise in one sentence,it would be:The lack of complete mastery over grammar,syntax,semantics and vocabulary leads ...