请英语水平好的童鞋们,帮我点评一下这、我的这篇作文,我英语太差了,

题目

请英语水平好的童鞋们,帮我点评一下这、我的这篇作文,我英语太差了,
I’m very glad to know that you wanted to apply to my college.There are in all 16 professions in my college.Such as clinical medicine,nursing,medical science…As you know that my college is a medical college.My major is a medical information .We know that clinical medicine was hot last year.May be you also want to choose it.
In my opinion,you are a patient girl,so you can choise nursing.Acooording to the employment status of nursing,the job opportunities of nursing are enough.what’s more,the undergraduate are more easy to find a job.If you consider selecting nursing,you have better choose nursing as you first selection.Because too much students will apply to my college.Of caurse your college enterance score must up to the entry score of the college.You will have a examination soon .I hope you can relax youself and don’t let you under great strain .Mind-set is very important which would influence your exam.
最好能帮我修改一下

答案

wanted--want
in all最好放在professions后面
May be--Maybe
you are a patient girl,so you can choise nursing改为if you are a patient girl,you can choose nursing比较好.意思是“如果你是个耐心的女孩,你可以选择护士这个专业”
If you consider selecting nursing,you have better ,应该是you will have
too much students will --too many,students可数
apply后面应该加for
must up---must be up,be up to取决于
a examination--an examination
youself--yourself or yourselves
would--will
大致看了下,基本上都是很微小的错误,写好了自己仔细检查下~