求高人批改雅思作文,请问这样能拿多少分呢?

题目

求高人批改雅思作文,请问这样能拿多少分呢?
Some people believe that children are given too much free time.They feel that this time should be used to do more school work.To what extent do you agree?
As many schools are alleviating the burden of children,some argue that children are now given too much spare time which should be put into school work instead.Personally,I believe that the issue is not about how long the free time they have after class,but about what they should do in such period of time.
Too much spare time can result in a series of hazard.Children are in their best time of life during which they are able to acquire knowledge and learn new things rapidly.If these time cost by idle activities like lingering on the street with peers,watching TV or exposure to computer games,these kids would feel difficult when they become adult and involve in fierce competition.
Clearly,school work is worth being paid more time.Not only can schooling offer academic knowledge to children,it will al

答案

我认为可以给6分.文章行文很连贯,文中的连接词和过渡词合理,使得全文结构紧凑；能够准确把握长难句,达到长短句合理分配,同时文中句式灵活多样,希望继续努力,再创佳绩；文章的用词丰富,且能够熟练的使用学术词汇,另外作者在拼写方面做得很棒!