STUDY PLAN 语法,搭配问题改错

题目

STUDY PLAN 语法,搭配问题改错
STUDY PLAN
My name is j,I was born in Mar,l996.From 2002 to 2008 I studied at xxSchool,and from 2008 to now I'm at xx middle School.
I am a responsible,Friendly and warmhearted person.I have so many hobbies
,such as swimming,skating,playing football,and listen to music .I especially like to listening to punk music,such as sum 41 ,simple plan……These band are great,
In recent years,many friends and classmates of mine go to study abroad.Of course have study In the Canada.,From my friends and the Internet I know that Canada is a beautiful country with so many beautiful sceneries
IT is not only good learning environment but also owns an advanced education system and science.This makes me yearning to study in the Canada,want to study abroad.I think also got the support of your family,I aspire to learn not disappoint them to my expectation.Now I will entrust my friend to submit my application to the education department in Richmond,British Columbia.
If I could study in Canada,I am planning to major in natural science.I really like natural science since childhood.I know that Canada's natural science is a leading international status.In natural science,I prefer physics and psychology.Now I am drawing up a study plan.My plan is to complete my courses in senior high school in order make further progress in my English and Through my hard work was the ideal university study of natural science.
My parents have only one son,I hope I could repay them and my motherland when
I finish my studies I will go back to my country.The reasons for it are as follows:Firstly,I am Chinese,China is my motherland.Secondly,I have duty is to come back to take care of my parents according to Chinese tradition..I believe that at that time China must have fully developed,which will provide with much bigger space for me to put my talent to good use.
Studying in Canada will help me to realize the life's leap.Thanks for taking your time to read my words.Kindly please consider my application and give a young ambitions man a chance to realize his dream.
Yours sincerely x
Date Aug 30,2010
改了再给悬赏免得没人答浪费了分

答案

首先第一段and from 2008 to now I'm at xx middle School.中from 2008 to now 用法有误：to后不能加副词,你可以改成and now I'm at xx middle School.
第二段and listen to music 中listen 应加ing.还有I especially like to listening 中应该把to去掉,因为当表示所喜欢的是某人的爱好时最好用like doing sth
第四段IT is not only good learning environment but also owns an advanced education system and science.中not noly,but also用于引起并列结构也就是说only 和also后都应该加相同的句子成分或句式.但你的句子中only后加的是表语,而also后加的却是谓语和宾语.你可以把is换成has然后挪到not only的后边.还有This makes me yearning to study in the Canada, want to study abroad一句中最好用yearn原型,want前的逗号应改成and.再者
I think also got the support of your family,完全是中国式英语.句中also用于be或助动词后 实义动词前.think后也不能直接加got这类过去式或过去分词.此句应改成I also want to get the support from your family.然后I aspire to learn not disappoint them to my expectation中问题很大I aspire to learn没问题.但想说不辜负他们的期望not disappoint them to my expectation是不对的.应改成and I will come up to their expectations of me.记住不管立志学习和不辜负期望是不是两件事,你总得在中间加个and吧（不能加逗号哦）.还有now后跟的句子不能用将来时应该用一般现在时（有时也可以用现在进行时）
第五段If I could study in Canada, I am planning to major in natural science中if引导的条件状语从句的时态是主将从现.所以应将could换成can,am planning换成will plan.I really like natural science since childhood一句中since是副词后面怎能加名词呢应改成sinceI was a child.
这一句My plan is to complete my courses in senior high school in order make further progress in my English and Through my hard work was the ideal university study of natural science.
中in order to do sth.为了做某事to不可省略.and后面的through应该小写并且and后面的句子缺少主语.所以先把and改成to然后加上go to my ideal university to major in natural science.还有The reasons for it are as follows不好.若改成Here I want to share the reasons with you会不会更好呢? China is my motherland一句改成It's China to support me and I shouldn't forget her favor会不会更好呢? I have duty is to come back 一句中有了have 和is两个谓语,明显错误,至少应该改成my duty 或改成It's my duty更好.最后一句give a young ambitions man a chance to realize his dream.中ambition不可数也最好不用作定语你可以改成give a young man full ofambition a chance to realize his dream.落款在右侧你应该改成：
sincerely,
xx
August 30th,2010
不必写Date这个词 有sincerely也不用写yours
希望我说的对你有帮助