雅思G类小作文,

题目

雅思G类小作文,
You rent a house through an agency.The heating system has stopped working.You phone the agency a week agobut it has still not been mended.
Write a letter to agency.Explain the situation and tell them what you want them to do about it.
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing with regards to the heating system in the house which I rent from your agency.
This house was rent by my wife and I from this January and everything is normal until last week.I found the heating system ceased to work,making the entire house cold.
I tried to resolve the problem by making a phone call to your agency last monday.After asking the details of the problem and issuing me a reference number,the staff guaranteed me that the central heating system would be checked and fixed within two days.
However,till now,I still did not sea any personnel was sent here.With the climate change,my house was as freezing as hell and this situation was further aggravated by a heavy snow yestarday.
I am quite dissatisfied with your service and request an immediate solution.Failing that,I will forward my complaint to local fair trading department.
Yours Faithfully,
JAMES
1.从词汇,段落,语法等方面帮忙分析修改一下.
2.能得几分?

答案

This house was rent by my wife and I from(去掉from) this January
After asking the details of the problem and issuing（换个词 tell就可以了） me a reference number,the staff guaranteed me that the central heating system would be checked and fixed within two days.
However,till now,I still did not sea any personnel was sent here.（However,till now,I still did not sea any maintenance personnel here）
With the changing climate,my house was as freezing as hell What's more,the situation was further aggravated by a heavy snow yestarday.
I am quite dissatisfied with your service and I request an immediate solution.Failing that(没碰到过这短语,我很菜.),I will forward my complaint to local fair trading department.
题目的第二个要求是你要那个机构怎么做 你只写到一句 i request an immediate solution.是不是写的太少了 可以具体一点.
大概在6分左右吧,几乎没有大错误,就是题目的第二个要求写少了,多写点.