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题目

帮我看看这篇托福作文
Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible.Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time.Which of these situations do you think is better?
With the advance of the development of the society,more and more capable is required of people.Independence is one of the most important characteristic of people.I think a lot of problems you must solve in the future depend on independence.So what my opinion is young adults should independence from their parents as soon as possible.
Someone may worry about their children may have too few experience to issue the problems in their live,study,communications,or so on.But what I think is that this is a worthwhile opportunity for the young adults to accumulate the experiences so that they can fit in the society as soon as possible.You might say but if they can’t solve the problems themselves it may cause another serious problem.To address this problem I would like to say,you

答案

一下都是个人意见
原文：I think a lot of problems you must solve in the future depend on independence.个人意见：I think you must solve a lot of problems in the future depend on independence.
原文：So what my opinion is young adults should independence from their parents as soon as possible.个人意见：So my opinion is young adults should be independent from their parents as soon as possible.(去掉what,增加be在independent前）
原文：children may have too few experience to issue the problems in their live,study,communications,or so on.个人意见：children wiil have few experience to issue the problems in their live,study,communications,and so on.
原文：But what I think is that this is a worthwhile 个人意见：But I think this is a worthwhile
原文：To address this problem I would like to say,个人意见：I would like to say someting to solve this problem
原文：by solving the problem yourself 个人意见：to solve the problem by yourself
其他的就没什么了
你是不是很喜欢用那些从句的句型?可是你也不能乱用啊.你读着就不别扭?你要是考托福,美国老师没有句型加分,只有错了减分,一个语法错误,1分,时态,1分,单词,1分.所以你要很注意你写的要都是对的,如果你写的都是对的,那总分也不会降到哪里,但是不要乱用句型