请推荐一个英文小品剧本,要搞笑的

题目

请推荐一个英文小品剧本,要搞笑的
最好附上中文翻译,我是外文盲

答案

　　焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort)刘兰芝Lunch(Lforshort)
　　焦母Johnny’smother(JMforshort)刘母Lunch’smother(LMforshort)
　　太守之子Mayor’sson(MSforshort)强盗Burglars(ABandC)
　　Prologue
　　(J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪)
　　J:EverybodysaysthatI’mhenpecked,butinfact,I’masstrongasatiger,(小声)whilemy
　　wifeisWuSong.
　　(指着上台处的门大声道)I’mnotafraidofyou!
　　(内砸出一脸盆,J接住当成盾牌护着头)Then,I’mafraidofwhom?
　　MywifeLunchisthemostfamouswomanintheneighbor-hood.Sheisbraverthanme,
　　smarterthanmeandstrongerthanme.AllthisIdonotcare.Ionlywanthertobetender
　　thanme.Butsheisnot!Havingawifelikethisisjustlikelivinginthehell!
　　(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J)
　　MyGod!Whocanhelpme?(下)
　　Act1
　　(序幕结束时,JM作窃听状)
　　JM(拄拐棍上):Ican!
　　(对门内)Lunch!Lunch!Whereareyou?
　　L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’mhere!What’supmum?
　　JM:I’vetoldyouagainandagainthatyoushouldcallme“mymostbeautifulgracefuland
　　dearestmother-in-law”.
　　L:OK.Mymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother-in-law,what’sup?
　　JM:Sinceyoumarriedmysonyouhavebehavedsobadly.Youhavebeensorude,sobrusque,so
　　lazy……
　　L:But……
　　JM:Neverinterruptme!
　　L:Neverinterruptme!SinceImarriedyourson,thatterribleJohnny,Ihavebeenworkinghardall
　　daylong,cookingandwashing.Ihaveraisedtensofthousandsofpigsandducksandchicken
　　and……
　　JM:Butallthoseyouhavedonearenotasvaluableasagrandson!
　　L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh,youwantagrandson,don’tyou?(开始解围裙)Goandaskyour
　　son.I’mleaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下)
　　Act2
　　(LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上)
　　L:Mum,I’mback!
　　LM:Youareback?Why?Whathappened?
　　L:Iwaskickedoutbymymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother–in-law.
　　LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See!Ihavealreadytoldyou!Whenyouinsistedon
　　marryingthatterribleJohnny,Itoldyouthatheisuglystupidandpoor,butyoudidnotlisten
　　tome.Lookatyourself……
　　L:But,mum……
　　LM:Neverinterruptme!
　　L:Mum,I’mnotinterruptingyou.IjustwanttotellyouthatyouarealwaysrightOK?And
　　I’llmarrywhomeveryouwantmeto.
　　LM(大喜):Nicegirl!Justnow,Imetthemayor’ssoninthemarket.Hesaid:“Ifyoudaughter
　　Haven’tbeenmarried,Ireallyreallywanttomarryher!”Nowyouarefreeagain,I’llgo
　　andtellhim.(下)
　　L(惊愕):What?Themayor’sson?Themostfamousplayboyintheneighbor-hood?(手中的锅
　　铲掉在地上)WhatasillythingIhavedone!(下)
　　Act3
　　(J睡眼惺忪上)
　　J(边走边道):Lunch!Lunch!Wherearemysocks?
　　(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Heretheyare!(闻一下) Er!Howsmelly!Theyarestilldirty!
　　(突然想起)Lunchhasgone!Ihavetowashthemmyself.
　　(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh,I’msohungry!Butthere’snobreakfast!(捡起地上的围
　　裙)ThisiswhatLunchalwayswears!Imisshersomuch,andherexcellentcookingskill!Now
　　shehasgone.Ihavetocookformymotherandmyself.
　　JM(上):Where’smybreakfast?Where’sLunch?Hasn’tshegotupyet?
　　J:Mum,can’tyouremember?Lunchhasgone!
　　JM(沉吟片刻):Well,totellyouthetruthJohnny,asonwithoutawifeisuseless.Lunchisanice
　　girl,goandtakeherback!
　　J(立正敬礼):Yesmadam!
　　Act4
　　(J开心地走着,忽然跳出来三个强盗)
　　A:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!
　　Theroadisbuiltbyme!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)
　　B:AndIplantedonetree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)
　　C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---(欲踩石头,但踩到了A的脚)
　　AB&C:Giveusallyourmoney!
　　J(搜遍了每一个口袋,掏出1角硬币):Is1maoenough?
　　(三强盗晕倒状,接着三人聚在一边商量)
　　A:Whatbadluck!Thisguyisbroken!
　　B:Ifwecannotrobanymoneytoday,wewillhavenothingtoeattonight!
　　C:Iheardthatthemayor’ssonisgoingtomarryMissLiuLanzhinextmonth.WEcangoand
　　robthewedding!
　　A&B:Goodidea!
　　J(惊讶):What?What?Lunchisgoingtogetmarried?It’simpossible!
　　AB&C:Why?Aprettygirlandarichman,whatagoodcouple!
　　J:ButLunchismywife!Wehaven’tgotdivorcedyet!
　　(突然有了主意)I’vegotanidea!Youaregoingtorobthewedding,don’tyou?I’llgo
　　withyou.YoutakethemoneyandItakethebride.
　　B:Haveyougotanyexperience?
　　J:No.ButI’vegotthis!(J脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票,上书＄1,000,000)
　　Act5
　　(转眼已到了婚礼之期．MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上,J盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)
　　(J和三强盗跃至台中)
　　ABC&J:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!
　　A:Theroadisbuiltbyme!
　　B:AndIplantedonetree.
　　C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---
　　J:Giveusallyourmoney!
　　(L听到J的声音,掀起了盖头)
　　L(惊喜万分):Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到J的身边并躲到了的身后)
　　(MS大怒,挥拳向J打来．J矮身一躲,MS打中了J身后的L,L晕倒)
　　J(火冒三丈):Howdareyoubeatmywife!（挥拳向MS冲去）
　　(J与MS混战,JM上,以拐杖击晕MS)
　　(J将MS胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)
　　J(扶起L,关切地问):Honey,howareyou?
　　L(哭状):Ihurtalot!
　　J:Don’tcrybaby.I’llgoandfetchthemedicine. (下)
　　L(起身去追):Waitforme! (跑下)
　　(音乐起 CanYouCelebrate)