求高手改一下我的六级英语作文.

题目

求高手改一下我的六级英语作文.
On the Important of a Name
Everybody has a name.What’s more,a lot of attention is being drawn to it and people’s ideas are various.
On the one hand,some people hold the view that the name is very important.First of all,the name will be the first impact which you give to your new friend.As we know the first impact is very important in some case like hunting a job.Secondly,a wonderful name can give you some good characters.For example,a man who called ”Li Gang” usually really powerful.The last but not least,the name contain the expectations which parents give to the kids.
On the other hand,a great many people insist that name is indifferent.They mainly point out that weather a person can be successful depends on how hard he or she work but has nothing to do with his or her name.
In my opinion,there should be something relate to the name.But what we can mostly trust is ourself.We should remember our name,and fight hard!

答案

有些语法错误,另外像on the one hand on the other hand 等等老掉牙的句子最好别用了.都用这些句子.老师改试卷的时候看到就烦.搞点有新意的句子.