这样的雅思作文能得6分吗?

题目

这样的雅思作文能得6分吗?
Some people think we need more female leaders to create world peace and reduce violence. To what extent do you agree?
With the progress of feminine activity, women nowadays have higher social status and are entitled to take positions in some multinational corporations and organizations. Compared with their male counterparts, females tend to be more considerate, gentle and patient, which would be crucial in dealing with international affairs, specially conflicts and wars. Therefore, some propose that if we make more female leaders, then the world can be more peaceful.
It is undeniable that women play a pivotal role in human history. Regardless of nationality and ethnicity, women are deemed as an important role of giving birth and raise the offspring. Because of this, people often neglect their other innate merits, like goodness and carefulness. Researches conducted worldwide have revealed that due to the distinct physical structure and different education, diff

答案

你的用词方面做得很好,也就是说词汇量不错,而且多是比较正式的词语.但是,文章中有几处硬伤.1.你的thesis statement(论点)没有在第一段呈现出来,这是最为致命的失误.这导致了你的第二段和第三段都是在谈现象.2.到了第...