帮我修改一下这篇英文啊 ,语法有问题,怪怪的.

题目

帮我修改一下这篇英文啊 ,语法有问题,怪怪的.
27th, June, 2004 was a special and glorified day in my life, because on that day I received the admission letter to University.
When the clerk in the post-office telephoned me that he would send my express of admission to my home, my parents were delighted to prepare for the coming moment, while I did not show much astonishment and enjoyment since I had already known the result through Internet.
After a short time, on hearing this, most of my relatives such as aunts and uncles came to my home, desiring to greet the arrival of the significant moment. Because I was the first who gained the chance to be a college student in my big family, all the persons were high-spirited and proud. My parents were busy handling with the lunch-preparation, however, I could fell their satisfaction from the brilliant rays on their faces, which showed their joys could not be concealed. What’s more, one of my uncles who cared most of my study was preparing the firecr

答案

27th,June,2004 was a special and glorying day in my life,because on that day I received the offer from Tsinghua University./
I was admitted to the university.
When the clerk in the post-office telephoned me that he would send this good news to my home,my parents were delighted to prepare for the coming moment,whereas I was not so surprised and joyful since I had already known the result through Internet.
After a while,on hearing this,most of my relatives,including my aunts and uncles,came to my home,desirable to greet the arrival of the significant moment.Because I was the first person who had obtained the opportunity to be a university student in my big family,all the persons were high-spirited and proud.My parents were concentrated on the preparation for lunch,however,I could feel their satisfaction from their brilliant faces,which showed their unconcealed joys.
What’s more,one of my uncles who cared most of my study was preparing the firecrackers to be used for celebration,only to wait the instant to light them up.
Besides,even a 8-years-old sister was also waiting and cheering,“I will go to University when I grow up!” Facing this situation,I was deeply aware of their high expectations and all in sudden,my imagination created an unexpected accident that disturbed my peaceful mind.If I had not received the offer or it was not from the university,how disappointed would they have been and how embarrassed would I have been!In this case,I could not help wandering discomposedly.During the torture,I found my consistent confidence was disappearing little by little.
The waiting time was really harsh.Fortunately,the offer printed with “Tsinghua University” arrived eventually!Everybody applauded enthusiastically while the firecrackers were exploding.Under such circumstance,I was burst with tears.I did want to say something,however,I was not able to open my mouth,although I tried several times.At that moment,I was deeply touched and realized their wish,and I promised in mind that I should chase the chance tightly to pursue my dream,no,not only mine but also ours.