写了一篇托福作文,希望能得到一些意见和建议,

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写了一篇托福作文,希望能得到一些意见和建议,
文章主要都是自己发挥,不太想用模板,觉得这样会有些枯燥,而且对长期的写作帮助不大.所以写得比较随意,可能问题会比较多,虚心赐教,
People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment- doing things they like to do- rather than doing things they should do.
I do not agree with the statement.
In this days and ages,the society has thrown before us a number of options for enjoyment and activities.You can go to cinema for a wonderful Star Wars night,hang out with girl friend in a beautiful beach,or just sleep until noon.In a word,people seem to have the freedom to speed their time on personal enjoyment and doing things they like,however,is the thing really fabulous as it seems to be?
Unfortunately,we are rarely seeing people to throw everything they need to do behind,and spend plenty time on enjoyment.Instead,individuals are always busy on what they should to do rather than what they like to do.Asked why people behave this way,the response in society has a boilerplate answer:the greatest factor comes from an oce

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