英语作文挑错~

题目

英语作文挑错~
这是文章第二段 是看图作文 麻烦大家看下语法有哪些错误,或者哪句不太恰当,应当怎么改~
It goes without saying that the cartoon aim at revealing a common and severe problem in our society that:Due attention shoul be paid to enhance our sense of supporting old people.while there is an inscreasing number of the public who leave their old parents alone and don't fufill their durty to support the elder.What's more,They even take their behavior for granted.Therefore,Large amounts of old man's life are just act as the football in this picture who are kicked from this side to anther side.I'm fully convined that this implied meaning would strike a chord with individual in all walks of life and enhance our awareness to improve old parents' life standard.
thanks 我最迟后天给分 集思广益~呵呵，(1jia2de3 那样的回答就不必了....)

答案

这里没办法用不同颜色标注,我直接改在文章里了,
It goes without saying that the cartoon aims at revealing a common phenomenon （揭示一种现象）and severing（和revealing 一样,用-ing形式） problems in our society that:
More attention should be paid to enhance our conciousness（增强意识） of supporting old people （总觉得原文拗口,还是这样简单直接）
while the number of which people who leave their old parents alone and don't fufill their obligations of supporting the elders is growing （主句the number is growing,剩下的是从句）
What's more,They even think that their behavior is granted.(他们认为自己的行为是被认可的)
large amounts of old men are just like the football that is kicked from this side to another side in this picture （老人像球一样被踢来踢去,而不是生活被踢来踢去）
I fully convince that this implied meaning could strike a chord with people in all walks of life and enhance our awareness to improve old parents' living standard.（我认为,所以convince要用主动形态,一般现在时；生活标准 living standard）