托福作文求批改 28分是我的目标

题目

托福作文求批改 28分是我的目标
Which way do you think is the best for a student to make new friends?a.joining a sports team,b.participating in community activities,c.traveling
Since the world has been rapidly changing with the modern life becoming increasingly complicated,there has been a heated controversy in our society about whether jointing a sports team or participate in community activities or traveling is the best for a student to make new friends.Some people put forward the idea that participating in some community activities would bring about greater benefits.In my perspective,i believe that it would be sensible to join a sports team in order to expand students' social circle.
To begin with,unlike participating in community activities,students are able to find friend who have the same hobby with them.People,with various ages,take part in community can have very different interest and they are mostly different types of people so that they won't have a lot of common topics to discuss.However,when it comes to sports team,students can have an easier access to find peers with same hobbies and same determination,which absolutely can help them make friends with each other.In the consequence that students discover common prevalent topics to talk about,they will have an more effective interpersonal communication.
Furthermore,when students are engaging in team sports,they can not only enlarge their social circle,in the meantime,but also strengthen their body.Join sports team is catalyst to let students have more exercise,which improve muscular and bone development,that can largely reduce the risks of various disease.My personal experience about being healthier by sport is a case in point.Shanghai,the city I lived in,is usually freezing during winter,and due to the fact that i had a weak constitution,it was awfully usual for me to catch a cold during winter.Then I joined our school's swimming team and insisted unremitting training.Resulting from the effect of swimming,I physically improved remarkably and were able to immune contagious disease,like the avian flue and H7N9.
Last but not least,participating in community activities and traveling also can be advantageous from diverse aspects for students to have more companions.According to a recent nationwide survey on how community activities affects a community conducted by SMIC Private School,people can obviously find out that over 80% of residents are fond of these activities.The result also demonstrates that the majority of residents entered into the spirit of the community by taking part in these events.Meanwhile,students can meet more people with different cultural background,which can broaden their horizon and make them more international.For instance,my friend traveled to Frence last summer and she knew some French basic etiquette.

答案

哇好厉害哦,不知道在些什么不过我觉得你可能英语很厉害