雅思作文求打分求批改

题目

雅思作文求打分求批改
In the present age,the parents and teachers who have the responsibility to teach children have sparked much debate.This essay will discuss both sides in this issue.
Some people tend to think that parents is the best guide of children`s life.As far as I am concerned,this view may be based on the consideration that parents will give more influence to children than school.It is reasonable due to the fact that children live with parents for a long time before going to school.Therefore educating children to know how to show there respect to elder people and obey the rules of society is widely be thought the responsibility of parents.
On the other side of the debate though,many individuals argue that maybe parents cannot give the correct effect to the children thus they consider that school should play an mainly role in the education for children,thereby avoiding the harmful effect.They claim that they have confident to educate the children grow up to good members of s

答案

In the present age,is parents or teachers are responsible for teaching children have sparked debates.This essay will discusse both sides of the issue.
Some people tend to think that parents is the best guide in children`s life.this view may be based on the fact that parenting have more influence on children than schooling.It is reasonable because children mostly have lived with their parents for a long time before entering school.Therefore ,let children know how to show their respects to elder people and obey the rules of society is widely be considered as the responsibility of parents.
On the other side of the debate,many individuals argue that parents might not always have the positive effects on children ,thus they consider that school should play a main role in cultivating children.They claim that they have confidence in bringing the children up to be talents.because school have good educational facilities,excellent teachers and sound educational system.
in conclusion,both of the schooling and parenting are important to children.So,for cultivating them to be talent,we should pay more attention to them and give them the decent education.
总的来说还可以,至少我知道你要说什么,段落分配也可以,但是.问题很多,有的地方都没法改,首先词汇量太小,词汇不够多样化且用词不规范,突出表现为用词太绝对化,可信度不足,搭配混乱（correct effect to .==）.其次,逻辑不明,逻辑连接词太少,这个是大忌,然后,句式单一,语法错误太多,接着,讨论问题太宽泛,举例很不深入,给人感觉很多地方在同义重复.最后,最重要的一点废话太多了,记住批卷的人是老外不是喜欢同义重复的中国人,老外看到废话连篇会皱眉,老外会觉得你这么多废话有凑字数嫌疑,还有老外从来不说educat people.