雅思小作文,曲线的,求批改,求指错

题目

雅思小作文,曲线的,求批改,求指错
谢谢各位大牛及烤鸭同路人!
The line graph illustrates the death rate and the birth rate in a developing country between 1900 to 1970.
It is clearly that at the first decade(1900~1910) both death rate and birth rate kept 40%,after which the data shows a fluctuation.The death rate rose rapidly and finally peaked up at 60% in 1920.Then,it dropped down as a same speed when it rose and stopped till 1940.from the period 1940 to 1970,death rate maintained a slight fluctuation.
Coming to the birth rate,a slight decrease from 4o% in 1900 to 35% in 1930.From then on ,the birth rate surpassed to the death rate and reached the highest point(roughly 50%) in 1940,while death rate were showed the lowest.After a sharp raise the tendency became decline and moderation.And the rates in birth and death stood at 30% and 20% in 1970,respectively.
Overall,along with the country developed in 70 years,its death rate and birth rate changed a lot and turned to be better in the future.Wha

答案

刚考完第二次,看到烤鸭战友格外亲切.因为没见到题,所以就您的习作本身说一下吧,由于本身能力有限,如果有漏的地方或者您有疑惑的地方,你可以追问,我一定尽力解答.
1、clear是形容词,clearly是副词,it is 后面应该是形容词.
2、本文是过去时,shows应改为showed.
3、peak本身就是最高的意思,所以不用加at,或者改为shot up.
4、 “it dropped down as a same speed ” as是不是应该改成at?后面的冠词用the,而不是a.
5、“the period 1940 ” 中的period后面有of.
6、“were showed”,我觉得showed就够了,were删了吧,还是您是想表示被动吗?
7、lowest后面应该有名词,不能单用一个最高级.
8、“ What’s more, the birth rate finally higher than the death rate” 缺少谓语动词,finally前加个were.
希望对您有所帮助,预祝雅思考试顺利!