六级作文求批改!推迟退休年龄

题目

六级作文求批改!推迟退休年龄
Recently the issue of postponing the retirement age has been brought to public discussion.There is no doubt that it is a really question that we should think about.Faced with it,quite a few people argue that it is the perfect way to solve with this problem.
Of course,everything has advantages and disadvantages.Postponing the retirement age will mitigate the financial deficit and reduce the press-ion of feeding on the old for youth.Nevertheless,it also brings other problems.We can see that the students have big difficulty in finding jobs now.If we postpone the retirement age,it will be from bad to worse.Some jobs are not suited for the old to do as well.If the policy is carried out,they will feel really grief.
From my point of view,I do believe we should relieve the policy of restricting bearing.If we do this,there will be more people to feed on the old.

答案

第二句There开始我觉得这样写比较好：
There is no doubt that this problem starts to attract the public attention.然后接下来那句不是complete sentence,而且我不太明白你的意思,你是说怎样才是perfect way 去解决问题?但是怎样解决你并没有在句子中指出.
然后最好一个段落开头不要用 of course,你可以直接删除掉,然后写 There are always both negative and positive sides of things.
然后下面都还不错.然后we can see that那里有点小语法错误,是 students are having diffculities in finding jobs after graduation.不要用now.后面那句bad to worse 用词不太准确,可以说getting worse.后面一些工作不适合老人做 改成：Some jobs are not suitable for elders.
最后一段我不太明白什么叫 more people to feed on the old...
总体来说六年级作文写成这样已经很好了.但是有些词语用法和sentence structure不太成熟.可以多看看书,记住一些句型,