请帮忙修改雅思小作文开头段语法错误

题目

请帮忙修改雅思小作文开头段语法错误
The first bar chart indicateds the fluctuation of two reasons for study amoung people of different age groups.While with age grow up the percentage of carrer takes on decline trend,the percentage of interest take on increase trend.
我语法上有错while后面好像不能加with是吗?我想写的是随着.的增长.而上升下降 在句子中我写while是想写成对比句 请帮我改下我的句子 还有grow 是否要写成加ing的形式?

答案

建议可以这样修改：As the age grows up,the percentage of carrer takes on a decline trend,while the one of interest takes on a increase trend.修改说明：As引导的短语做句子的伴随状语,接下来是while连接的含...