2009年浙江高考英语作文,求点评

题目

2009年浙江高考英语作文,求点评
5月1日,高二三班的学生志愿者li yue和zhang hua去阳光敬老院（SUNSHINE NURSING HONE)开展志愿者活动（送水果、打扫、聊天等）.假如你是学校英语报的记者,请按下列要求用英语写一则100~120词的新闻报道.
1.时间地点人物活动；2.老人们的反应3.简要评论
Student Volunteer Brought Sunshine to the Elderly
May first,liyue and zhanghua who came from the class 2 of second year in our school and they have been to the SUNSHINE NURSING HOME as the volunteer.At morning,they took some fresh fruit to the old and the old were gratified.Li and Zhang did some hourse work in the nursing home and made there clean and comfortable.At the moment,the old had eaten fruit with smile.After,they talked to the old and they were all happy.
As a school report ,I have done some interview to the old and most said:"they are good boys and we pleasure to see them again."So I can see the happiness on their face.
I think they are exmple as the senior school students.They know what the old need and they know how to car about the old.If we can try our best for the society,our life would

答案

第一句话有语法问题啊.liyue and zhanghua who came from the class 2 of second year in our school 只是主语.没谓语啊.应该把后面的and they 删了.第二段As a school report,应该是As a school reporter,还有, on ...