英语作文批改

题目

英语作文批改
it goes without saying that the cartoon aims at revealing a common and serious pheonmenon in our society :with the rapid development of internet,We choose it as the only tool to communicate with others and don't want to do the samething in the reality .Therefore ,We live much closer than anytime before yet the distance inside of us further long than anytime before too.
麻烦各位说下都哪里错了 或者 给出更好的写法,
那个Rachel高萍~第一句话是如图所示的意思，这是看图作文第二段，不是说卡通，晕这都看不明白么

答案

【As is clearly shown by the cartoon】（加上这个可能好点）,it goes without saying that the cartoon aims at revealing a common （and seriou）（去掉括号里面） pheonmenon in our society : with the rapid development of internet,
（We choose it as the only tool to communicate with others）
唯一的交流工具,不符合现实,应该改为 the essential tool 或者the popular tool
可以改为：The inrernet has become essencial to our life,We choose it as the popular tool to communicate with others
and don't want to do the same thing (in the reality) .
(in the reality) 应该为 in real life
Therefore ,We live much closer than anytime before
yet the distance
（inside of ）改为( between) us (become) further( long )改为 （longer）than anytime before too.