一篇英语作文 ,给我打分,

题目

一篇英语作文 ,给我打分,
Michael Jordan
Michael Jordan used to be an NBA member in the USA.As we all know,his great skill was so amazing that people call him a flying man.Although he isn't a professinal basketball player of NBA now,he has his company and his basketball team .Soon,he will be the spokesman of the computer game.As a result,he is a great people.I am his fan,so I like Balls.I like Jordan best.

答案

有一点小问题.
1、professional拼错啦.不过这个说法本来就不地道,如果你想说他退役了,可以说he has retired as a professional player或者he is no longer a professional player,这样可以强调退役的动作或者是不再打球的状态,比普通的系动词连接有感觉哦
2、he has his company and his basketball team 的确中文里会说“他有了自己的公司和球队”,但是毕竟英语更注重一个动作.你要强调的无非是“乔丹在退役之后还是有所作为”,所以这里就应该更强调建立的动作（如果球队是收购的那就强调收购的动作）,建议说he established his own company and basketball team
3、和前面的朋友一样,我也觉得as a result 不好.毕竟这不是一个因果连词.as a result意思是“以上导致的结果是”,而不是“所以”.可以直接将as a result 删除,不会影响句子的.
4、He is a great people?people作复述表示人们,做单数表示一国人民.乔丹小盆友是民族英雄吼吼.^_^应该用person
英语功底还是可以的.再接再厉!