六级作文修改,求英语高手们修改!最好能给出分数,以满分15分计

题目

六级作文修改,求英语高手们修改!最好能给出分数,以满分15分计
题目是关于洋快餐的.1,洋快餐颇受中国消费者的青睐.2,产生这个现象的原因.3,我的看法
The recent
several years have witnessed a phenomenon that many people perfer to
eat western fast food , especially young man, you can find they eat
fast food regularly in Mcdonald's or KFC.
Maybe we can find
some factors to explain this fasionable phenomenon. With the
increasing pace of modern life, perhaps the western fast food is the
best chance for office worker. It is convenience for them to pack up
and it can save thier precious time. Then, no doult, the service in
these fast-food restaurant they offer are quite good, the environment
is more beautiful and the condition is more clean. all of it above
mentioned may make people feel happy and people like to stay there.
However, as far as I am concered, people eat too much fast food may
have many health problems. Also, our young man may neglect the
traditional chinese food, dont't know the traditional diet culture, and
blindly pursue the western fast food. Acorrdingly, although the fast
food is "fast", we need pay more attention to our chinese food.
我是三段式的.第三段是从However开始的

答案

The recent several years have witnessed a phenomenon that many people prefer toeating in western fast food restuarants, especially youngsters, to normal eastern cuisine restuarants.There are factors ...