请高手帮忙给雅思作文评分

题目

请高手帮忙给雅思作文评分
In present-day society,it is generally believed that money the goverment invest in society welfar benefit numerous people.However,at the same time,controversy has arisen on what the government ought to provide financial aid for.Some people insist that the government should not put money on building theaters and sports stadiums,while some are in favor of spending more money on medical care and education.In my opinion,their views are overly simplistic.
On the one hand,it is evident that theaters and sports stadiums can afford people much entertainment and pleasure.Obviously,these facilities can greatly enrich cultural experience of human beings,keeping them away from monotonous life.Furthermore,theaters and stadiums relax humanities’ bodies and ease their minds.Above all,building facilities can promote the development of culture and physical exercise,which will greatly further the whole society.
On the other hand,we should acknowledge that medical care and education are essential in society.There is no denying/We should not deny that they play a critical role in our daily life.Medical care became in demand when the human race suffers from the diseases.Also people have right to receive education,for it not only raises people’s awareness but also broadens their horizons.Moreover,it contributes to human's creativity by enhancing people's knowledge.Therefore,the government is responsible for these.
To conclude,I would say that the two opinions have both advantages.I firmly believe that develop all of these can brings us great benefits.Therefore,we should support these measures of the government,which adapts to the contemporary times.

答案

我接触雅思到现在四年了.没能看到材料和要求,颇难判断.不过你的作文错误很少,也很流畅,据我的经验,至少有6.5分吧.要再进一步的话,用词方面得再注意些,用一些更能出彩的词.加油