跪请英语高手帮我改一改六级作文!

题目

跪请英语高手帮我改一改六级作文!
Direction：For this part,you are allowed 30 minutes to write a short assay on the topic of Ranking Universities.You should write al least 150 words according to the outline given below.
目前很流行给大学排名
1.有人对此支持
2.有人则不赞成
3.我认为…..（高手们请多在语法和词汇上给我挑毛病提建议,）
Ranking Universities
In recent years,a new phenomenon has been brought into focus that ranking universities becomes more and more popular,which different individuals hold deferent views about.
Some give support for ranking universities .For one thing,they believe,senior students know better which university is the best according to the rank of the universities,then to obtain the entrance admission to that universities provides them energy to study hard constantly.For another,for universities students,the rank of the universities provides a better awareness of their own situation.
Others hold the opposite,however,the reason they give to account for their opinion is that people fail to apply scientific criterion to rank universities in some cases,which will mislead to an awareness of some universities.
From my own perspective,both the two views are right.It’s necessary to rank universities under the condition that rank universities in a scientific way.Only in this way can we expect a true benefit from ranking universities.

答案

总体来说,这篇文章的结构很清晰,第一段点题,点明文章主旨,不能仅有一句话,至少要有两句话；第二段、第三段用事实论证主旨；最后一段总结一下,即用另一种说法把主旨复述一下.这在六级作文中是比较占优势的,因此你在接下来的练习中也要按照这种格式来写.结构上唯一的缺陷就是你结尾并未明确提出自己的观点,你应该只能同意上述两个观点中的一个,那就是赞成ranking universities 还是反对.
另外,这篇的语言较平乏,虽然用了很多从句,但错误很多,另外,词汇量也不够,字数也有点少,接下来我简略谈一下这篇的词汇和语法：
1.which different individuals hold deferent views about,about是多余的,而且用一个从句指代不明,因此可改为,However,people's opinions vary from one to another/different individuals hold diferent views .
2.they believe,senior students know better which university is the best according to the rank of the universities,then to obtain the entrance admission to that universities provides them energy to study hard constantly.这句话顺序有点问题,可改为they believe that according to the rank of the universities senior students can know better which university is the best ,and then they will study hard constantly in order to obtain the entrance admission to that universities .
3.Others hold the opposite 这后面最好加个views
4.their opinion 应改为their opinions; scientific criterion 应改为 scientific criteria(criterion的复数）,因此作文中要注意单复数的问题.
5.mislead to an awareness of some universities中mislead是及物动词,后不可接介词,这句可改为mislead some students about the exact situations of some universities.
6.both the two views 应改为both of the two views .
7.It’s necessary to rank universities under the condition that rank universities in a scientific way.Only in this way can we expect a true benefit from ranking universities.这句话有点累赘,可改为 It’s necessary to rank universities under a scientific way,and only in this way can we expect a true benefit from ranking universities.
以上是我对这篇文章的一些建议,希望能够对你有所帮助.