请热心、喜欢英语的帮我评改一下这篇雅思作文,谢谢,最好能给点建议,O(∩_∩)O谢谢!

题目

请热心、喜欢英语的帮我评改一下这篇雅思作文,谢谢,最好能给点建议,O(∩_∩)O谢谢!
It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents,for instance for sport or music,and others are not.however,it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
It is no doubt that certain talents has great influence in person. some say childs are born with certain talents will become a good sporter or music,while others claim that we can all get ahead in sport or music through hard work. This essay is going to discuss the two opinions and furthermore to give my personal view.
With certain talents of children,maybe the most advantage than other children was body or brain. This can be particularly obvious on school. Everyone have different learning and capability. I think that’s the reason why the same school,the same subject and the same teacher,but the different students has different academic performance. Kong rong is the well-know fact that in China,who can begin to compose out the age of five.
However,most people all over the world are not genius. No pain no gain.if you want to be succed ,you have to hard work. J.K Rowling who wrote Harry potter,her first book was rejected 12times before it was finally published. Every single one of you has something to offer. An education can provide this opportunity. We ‘ve got to train for it and work for it and learn for it. There is no excuse for not hard work.
To sum up,I believe with enough cautions and aweness we could all better balance the problems about certain talents and hard work. Even though we were born with certain talents,we still have to hard work. That we could be the person who we want to be.

答案

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance one person may be good in sports or music, while others are not. However,it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.
It is no doubt that certain talents has great influence in different people. some say children are born with certain talents and will grow to become a good athlete or musician,while others insist that we can get ahead in sports or music only through hard work. This essay is going to discuss the two opinions and furthermore and to give out my personal opinion.
With certain talents of children,maybe the biggest advantage they have over other children is physical power or brain power. This is particularly obvious in schools. Everyone have different learning fields and they have different capability towards things. I think that’s the reason why in the same school, with the same subject and the same teacher,ends up with different students giving different academic performances. Kong rong is the well-know for the fact in China,who began to compose at the age of five.
However,most people all over the world are not genius. No pains no gains.if you want to be successful ,you have to hard work. J.K Rowling who wrote Harry potter is a better example,her first book was rejected 12 times before it was finally published. Every single one of you has something to offer. An education can provide us with this opportunity. We've got to practise for it and work for it and learn for it. There is no excuse for not doing hard work.
To sum up,I believe with enough cautions and awareness we could all balance the problems between certain talents and doing hard work better. Even though we were born with certain talents,we still have to work hard . Only then we could be the person who we want to be.
帮你改了一下语法~主要是介词使用的问题~你看行吗~