寻求高人批改雅思作文!

题目

寻求高人批改雅思作文!
Along with the development of economics and society,more and more people can affprd the international travel.However,there are different cultures in varied countries.Nowadays,the cultural differences has become a problems we have to face.
As to whether it is good or not.,however,people come up with different attitudes.Some people think that visitors often,out of ignorance or carelessness,fail to respect local customs and moral values.When they do,they can bring about irritation.And it is polite to show your respect to their culture.
Others argue that the host country should accept other countries' culture.Because today' world is a globalized world which can accept every kinds of culture.And it can establish a bridge to connect the two countries by travellers which are good for our cultural communication.
As far as I am concerned,I am inclined to be on the side of the former point of views.Although the latter view also has it's strong reasons,I still think that respect is the most important thing during travelling.We may have a humble learning attitude to face the local customs and behaviours.It also helps raise local awareness of the financial value of natural and cultural sites and can stimulate a feeling of pride in local and national heritage and interest in its conservation.

答案

语句比较通俗易懂,没有生词,观点明确,如果是一般考试的英语作文,这样写没问题.但是作为雅思的作文,一定要有闪光点,内容需要更深层次的议论,你可以先用中文列出你的写作思路,深入思考,这样层次会显得比较深刻,然后再用英文写出来