初中英语作文,总考不好,

题目

初中英语作文,总考不好,
One sunny afternoon ,we had a PE lesson.We gathered on the playground.The teacher told us that we would learn the long jump .I began to feel nervous beacasue l was afraid of falling .First teacher showed us how to jump better and longer.Then we were asked to be ready.After a moment,it turned to me .l looked at the way and tried my first time .Unfortunately,l failed and fell down .My friend and the teacher encouraged me .l felt powerful again,and tried again.At last ,l jumped over 3 meters!l was so happy that l couldn't say a word.Yes,l succeeded!As the saying goes,'Practise makes the perfect!'

答案

.楼上的那个完全是改错了= = 人家时态好好的.
第二行,beacasue,应该是because
第三行,对的,first改firstly+“,”会比较好；然后应该jump better and farther,不是longer.
we were asked to be ready= =.这里有一个准备的过程,be ready 十分生硬.改get ready.
!后面,it was my turn.轮到我了.没有it turned to me这种说法.
.后面一句.I looked at the pathway(更具象一点,通路而不要泛指“路”) and had my first try.
Practice makes perfect.没有the
然后初中作文的话这样改就可以了,要求没必要更高了.