请英语老师修改下我的文章.

题目

请英语老师修改下我的文章.
Nowadays,many family care about that how can their children become independent learners.A lots of students who cannot consciously learning,because there are lots of things to attract them,in the life.Such as,games,telecasting,film,Internet and so forth.If students become independent learners,they should impermanent cease their interests and they should relax their brain.
We should know a thing which learn is own,and nobody can help our do it.On the one hand,if we do not have money,family will give us.If we do not have clothes,family will help us buy it.If we do not have job,family will help us find it.But if we do not have knowledge,family will not give us,they only can do it about they will provide good education,so learning is by yourself and not a lazy.On the other hand,a clever independent learners know a reason that is think things out for oneself,and they should adjust their mentality,for example,a student join exam,he will adjust his mentality,if he did not

答案

第1段
more and more students are home from work everyday because ...
First 改成 Firstly或 At first First 不能单独用
Second 改成 Secondly
parent +S
problem 问题,习题（数字,事实方面） 应该+S
search it with computer...改成 search for the answers with the help of computer...
第2段
people 改成 students
...they think that it is a good chance for them to communicate with each other and cultivate their teamwork 你那句人称好像乱了
最后那句 Our 改成 their
最后一段
as far as i concerned （好像是)
living on school改成 campus
which can never be learnt at home 应被动
个人观点 请参考 呵呵