求批改雅思小作文~

题目

求批改雅思小作文~
我是新手,学了两节课,求批改!是图表题,表没有,就是请各位高手帮我看看语法和用词什么的~
The pie chart describes students' spending on different things,such as rent,food,school fees,entertainment,clothes and so on.
Then,it can be seen from the pie chart that spending for six purpose.Specitically,rent and foodfor the largest one is ￡100 of the spending while the school fees cost ￡90.Then,student spends ￡60 on entertainment for fun.Also,underground costs entertainment25 while the clothes represents ￡20.Study materials occupys ￡5
There fore,it can be clearly seen from the pie chart that rent and food accounts for the greast part of spending on.
只有一个饼图。有没有大侠帮我把语法错误圈一下啊，完事之后再加15分

答案

太 中国式 英语了 雅思的图表作文字数不在多 在于精 第一句话就是要介绍你这个讲的是什么 是percentage 你就要说出来 describe-- --这个词 换一个吧 你用explains,illstrate 你用show 都比discribe号 As illustrated...