帮忙修改一篇IELTS大作文顺便帮帮改改分- -

题目

帮忙修改一篇IELTS大作文顺便帮帮改改分- -
These days,we can easily find that some people ensure that it is too young to go to school for children before six-year old.But others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible
.
It is my considered view that children should allowed to stay at home and play with friends until they are six or seven years old
The primary reason is study.For young children,the most immediate factor is understanding ability.We know the don’t have a high leave understanding ability when we are a little baby.
Moreover,young children need more and more playing with friends for cultivate creative ability,individuality,social ability and ect.The reason why we should make children stay home before six or seven tears old.
Nevertheless,that we make children go to school as early as can teach more and more scholarship.But the kids can’t really realize what is childhood.
To summarise,that the young children stay home unti

答案

These days, we can easily find that some people ensure that it is too young for children to go to school before six-year old. But others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible
.
It is my considered view that children should be allowed to stay at home and play with friends until they are six or seven years old
The primary reason is study. For young children, the most immediate factor is training their understanding abilityies . As we know, they didn’t have a high leave understanding ability when they were a little baby.
Moreover, young children need more and more playing with friends to cultivate their creative abilities, individualities, social abilityies and so on . It`s the reason why we should make children stay home before six or seven tears old.
Nevertheless,If we make children go to school as early as we can ,our children can get more knowledge,but the kids can’t really enjoy their childhood.
In a word,I think It`s well advised that the young children stay home before six or seven years old