求高人改考研作文!跪谢!

题目

求高人改考研作文!跪谢!
能顺便帮我评个等级分吗?
As we can see in the picture,A pyramid
stand tall and erect,with a sentence written below it ---The pyramid was built
with one stone piled on another.
In my opinion,what the drawing conveys is the spirit
of perseverance.Just as the saying goes,“Romewas not built in a day”.Any great
achievement isn’t done within days and months.Therefore,we should make
constantly efforts and never stop progressing.Only by making efforts
constantly can we achieve one success after another.Thus we can gain a sense of
achievement and make a greater contribution to the society.
Many people,ancient or contemporary,Chinese or
foreign,have displayed this spirit.On of the best example is the group of Chinese
scientists who were responsible for the building of Shenzhou V spacecraft,
spent nearly 30 years before the successful launch of shenzhou V spacecraft.In
my opinion,the spirit of perseverance is essential to the human race

答案

最后一段字数过多,中间段字数太少,比例不合理.
看到你这篇作文就想起我当年的考研生活啊.