雅思作文 求批改~本人语法基础很差,希望高手指点……特别是语法方面的……

题目

雅思作文 求批改~本人语法基础很差,希望高手指点……特别是语法方面的……
There has been much discussion revolving around the issue of whether a person need to become truly successful cannot be learned at university or in a similar educational institution.In this essay,I will compare and contrast two typical opinions regarding this issue.
There are some sound reasons for people to believe that a person can get success without going to college.As far as I am concerned,this view may be based on the consideration that a few school dropout (or never accepted the college education) persons get a staggering success,for instance Steve Jobs and Bill Gates.They created their company and ensured the company successive victories even changed our world.More over,it is widely acceptable that the world transformed so quickly that we can hardly following the regular pattern of the economic market,the knowledge we study in university always be hysteretic,when we graduate from school the knowledge we learned many be eliminated,esp

答案

听说要钱来着……