请英语高手帮我点评我的这篇英语四级作文,

题目

请英语高手帮我点评我的这篇英语四级作文,
1：本社团的主要活动内容
2：参加本社团的好处
3：如何加入本社团
Welcome to join the Sunshine volunteer club!If you have a love heart,you ought to join us.We will look in the older those who live alone and talk with them.In addition,we also go to the primary school to teach them interesting knowledge,for example,the interesting math,scientific knowledge and the storm of intelligence.
The Sunshine volunteer club will provide a opportunity to let you help the people who are poor or disabled.I think the activities will improve your ability of action or talk.Furthermore,people will work together and you will learn something how to get along well with others.Finally,you will make some friends in our club.
If you want to join our club,just call us at 691800 or send an email to Sunshine [e-mail],with information attached.And after one week,you will be a member of our club.So don't hesitate,join us.

答案

一,If you have a love heart.love是动词,不能做定语.换成If you are kind-hearted,二,you ought to join us表示建议把ought to 换成are supposed to 更委婉 三,We will look in the older those who live alone and...