As we all know,time is more important than money.We will take part in the entrance examination to se

题目

As we all know,time is more important than money.We will take part in the entrance examination to senior high school next year.So we must concentrate on study now.
However,some of the student are always wasting time.They often spend more time playing computer games ,watching TV or surfing the Internet .What theydo must be bad for their study.
SO I think we must make good use of our time .First,in class,we are supposed to listen to the teachers carefully .Then,after class ,we should try our best to exercise more to make us energetic.If we don't waste time ,we must get better and better.I'm sure we can make it!
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答案

As we all know,time is more important【建议改成valuable】 than money.We will take part in【 the entrance examination to senior high school 建议改成 college entrance examination】next year.So we must concentrate on study now.
However,some of the student are always wasting time.They often spend 【more没有对比,你还是给成many吧】 time playing computer games ,watching TV or surfing the Internet .What they do 【must be 是对现在的推测,此处不妥】【bad for 这种搭配过于枯燥建议改成 】their study.【整句建议What they do tends to be unfavorable to their study】
SO【改Therefore 吧】 I think【别老用这种表达,改as far as I can see】 we must make good use of 【建议改个表达 take full advantage of】our time .First【建议改first and foremost 不过你后面又 没有second之类的,要有逻辑性】,we are supposed to listen to the teachers carefully【 in class】.Then,after class ,we should【 try our best to可省略】 exercise more to make us energetic.【Then,after class 别自己乱断句】If we don't waste time ,we must【will...】 get【become】 better and better.I'm sure we can make it!【it 是什么?自己知道阅卷老师知道吗?】